Time to reflect.

First post in awhile but let me start off with a birthday wish for Shiman.

Happy 18th Birthday and I hope this year is everything you want and more.

So this past weekend was really a blast for me and I really needed it. Since college started, I haven’t been given the opportunity to see some of my close brothers often except for the one exception who’s here in Stony Brook with me and see everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I love this kid and at least a good portion of my days and meals with him so I feel fortunate we’ve gotten even closer. As for my some other brothers, I’m fortunate to see two others who I get to see whenever I go back to the city which is like every other week so I’m glad I don’t have to miss them nearly as much because if they were away also, I wouldn’t know what to do. But for the ones who are further away, they finally got a chance to come back for the first time since the beginning of the semester from Boston and Pennsylvania, no homo but I was genuinely really glad to see them for the first time in so long. You don’t know how much I love these guys.

The weekend passed by quicker than I would have liked but it was fun while it lasted. Friday afternoon spent at NYU with the newly 18 year old Ivan, Friday night spent in the city waiting a good two hours for a late bus from Boston to grab dinner, and Saturday, Sunday spent in Jersey. Goodbyes were hard but before I know it, after all the midterms and assignments, seeing their faces again will be reward enough. So until then, I’ll miss you all.

Arms High

You know my previous post about it being hard to hear his voice amongst the others, well about that… it’s hard for me to continue saying that. I really hear Him calling, as if telling me not to let go. And I won’t. This weekend I’ve been listening to this one song on repeat and it has really helped to humble me. I miss fellowshipping, I miss His dominant presence in my life and ask for it all back. Although it’s hard to find a comfortable fellowship on campus and I haven’t even begun church searching yet, I hope to find one soon. As for all my brothers and sisters, I continue to ask that you pray and watch over me. Don’t let me become someone you wouldn’t want to talk to. I pray for a change, a change for the better.

Another thing that has really been bugging me lately is where I’ll end up for college. I really wanted to transfer to NYU Stern but now I’m really reconsidering because I found out if I go, I won’t be dorming because it’s so friggin expensive. And I feel that the repeat of the high school like circumstances will really bum me out and I shouldn’t be going to school if I’m not going to happy going there. I’d be ecstatic to attend Stern but not so much if doing it from home. Now to whether or not I should go to Binghamton and if yea, Spring or next Fall. I’m not 100% set but I see it very likely that I’ll be leaving Stony Brook this Spring for Binghamton. They have a more Christian community that I think will be more suitable for me and a better business program. Education, grades and my future is a major priority for me now, I have begun to stop living only in the now and I’m glad and hope this won’t change.

I’ll leave you guys off with this song sung by Michael W. Smith accompanied by members of Hillsong such as the awesome Darlene Zschech whose voice sadly isn’t that loud in this song. When you first hear Michael’s voice, it’s sorta eh, but after awhile, it starts to grow on you. The song they sing is two verses from the song “The Stand”.  These two verses have had such a big impact on me and I hope you can sing it really reflecting it on your own life.

The Stand – Michael W. Smith & Hillsong United

I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned,
in awe of the One who gave it all.

I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered,
all I am is Yours.

~ by letitreign on October 14, 2008.