We’ll make it through this.

Time to reflect.

First post in awhile but let me start off with a birthday wish for Shiman.

Happy 18th Birthday and I hope this year is everything you want and more.

So this past weekend was really a blast for me and I really needed it. Since college started, I haven’t been given the opportunity to see some of my close brothers often except for the one exception who’s here in Stony Brook with me and see everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I love this kid and at least a good portion of my days and meals with him so I feel fortunate we’ve gotten even closer. As for my some other brothers, I’m fortunate to see two others who I get to see whenever I go back to the city which is like every other week so I’m glad I don’t have to miss them nearly as much because if they were away also, I wouldn’t know what to do. But for the ones who are further away, they finally got a chance to come back for the first time since the beginning of the semester from Boston and Pennsylvania, no homo but I was genuinely really glad to see them for the first time in so long. You don’t know how much I love these guys.

The weekend passed by quicker than I would have liked but it was fun while it lasted. Friday afternoon spent at NYU with the newly 18 year old Ivan, Friday night spent in the city waiting a good two hours for a late bus from Boston to grab dinner, and Saturday, Sunday spent in Jersey. Goodbyes were hard but before I know it, after all the midterms and assignments, seeing their faces again will be reward enough. So until then, I’ll miss you all.

Arms High

You know my previous post about it being hard to hear his voice amongst the others, well about that… it’s hard for me to continue saying that. I really hear Him calling, as if telling me not to let go. And I won’t. This weekend I’ve been listening to this one song on repeat and it has really helped to humble me. I miss fellowshipping, I miss His dominant presence in my life and ask for it all back. Although it’s hard to find a comfortable fellowship on campus and I haven’t even begun church searching yet, I hope to find one soon. As for all my brothers and sisters, I continue to ask that you pray and watch over me. Don’t let me become someone you wouldn’t want to talk to. I pray for a change, a change for the better.

Another thing that has really been bugging me lately is where I’ll end up for college. I really wanted to transfer to NYU Stern but now I’m really reconsidering because I found out if I go, I won’t be dorming because it’s so friggin expensive. And I feel that the repeat of the high school like circumstances will really bum me out and I shouldn’t be going to school if I’m not going to happy going there. I’d be ecstatic to attend Stern but not so much if doing it from home. Now to whether or not I should go to Binghamton and if yea, Spring or next Fall. I’m not 100% set but I see it very likely that I’ll be leaving Stony Brook this Spring for Binghamton. They have a more Christian community that I think will be more suitable for me and a better business program. Education, grades and my future is a major priority for me now, I have begun to stop living only in the now and I’m glad and hope this won’t change.

I’ll leave you guys off with this song sung by Michael W. Smith accompanied by members of Hillsong such as the awesome Darlene Zschech whose voice sadly isn’t that loud in this song. When you first hear Michael’s voice, it’s sorta eh, but after awhile, it starts to grow on you. The song they sing is two verses from the song “The Stand”.  These two verses have had such a big impact on me and I hope you can sing it really reflecting it on your own life.

The Stand – Michael W. Smith & Hillsong United

I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned,
in awe of the One who gave it all.

I’ll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered,
all I am is Yours.

I Will Go – Starfield

Continue on for the lyrics

Hard to hear His voice amongst all the others.

I’ve only recently started updating and I haven’t even been updating much but I felt it was time to do another one of those reflection posts. I’m trying to stay true to what this blog was intentionally set up for. Let God’s mercy and grace reign and pour.

College is a HUGE step and HUGE test for Christians. I know I keep talking about college but it’s attributed to the fact that I sometimes still can’t believe I’m a college student. This time however, I want to talk about how college is affecting my walk. College is a time that many discover who they are, people become the person they are going to be for the rest of their lives and it’s going to either make you or break you. College can easily change people for the better or the worse and it’s the time period where it is most common for a Christian to turn away and say “This whole God thing isn’t really for me”, and leave the church. I pray earnestly that I’m not one of them but to be honest, I can’t guarantee I won’t or at least put myself in a position where God is of minimal importance. I’m going to be completely honest in saying that I am never going to be or ever come remotely close to being the “perfect Christian”. I work hard my entire week, sometimes I want to have a little fun without asking WWJD. It seems selfish of me I know but I wouldn’t be being honest with myself or any of my friends by saying that I’ll be avoiding all temptations or even attempting to. However, schoolwork comes first, I say screw balance of work and play. I want to get my 3.8+, heck, I want that 4.0 to transfer out of here. Not because I don’t like Stony Brook or the people because like I’ve said before, it’s not nearly as bad as I thought but because I’m putting my future and career first and want to go somewhere I can really be driven and release my full potential. I feel like I’ve yet to be all I can be. At the same time, after I’m done with my work for the week, I want to kick back and enjoy life for what it is.

Partying and drinking, oh what huge temptations for a Christian college student. Definitely not a necessity of life, and obviously fun can be found elsewhere but I ask myself sometimes, why does it have to be? To be truthful, sometimes when I think WWJD, it’s more like like WWMCFT. “What would my church friends think?”, but this doesn’t make me a bad person. Talking to an older brother whose had his share of college and both sides of the spectrum, “it’s understandable to have fun and party occasionally as long as it doesn’t interfere with God, friends and school. The whole argument of how it’s going to draw you away from God, well I could say the same thing about almost anything somebody does, be it a sport, hobby, school, etc. All of those things could just as easily draw you away from God, it matters who you have to keep you accountable and watch over you and never let you step too far away. We have our twists and turns and ups and downs and I know I’ll fall every now and then, I just hope there’s going to be a brothers and sisters watching so I don’t fall too hard.

You might agree and I’m sure many of you may disagree and I completely understand where you’re coming from so I hope you can do the same for me. For those who are much stronger than I am in the sense that none of these temptations become a hindrance or a stumbling rock on your path, Amen to that and Hallelujah. Being honest with myself I don’t think I’m that strong and salute all those who are much stronger and ask that you keep me accountable. I’m far from perfect and I’ll probably be the cause to much of my stumbles, I may do some stupid things (hopefully nothing too stupid) but I still love my God.

40807, forever His. I know all of these earthly joys are temporary cause when all else fades, He’s still going to remain.

Discover myself in all this.

If this entry confused you, don’t worry cause I’m even more confused.

College is different…

Friday morning 11:21 AM and I’m already done for the day. I still haven’t really grown accustomed to this waking up late, ending late, having breaks ranging from 10 minutes to 3 hours in between certain classes especially coming from Tech. Not to say I don’t like it but sometimes you just have nothing to do. Everybody has been asking via facebook or AIM how college is going for me and I must say, better than I expected. I’m more fortunate than most freshmen because I got doubled up instead of tripled and my room is pretty nice and roomy. Cool roommate, nice schedule and all my professors according to ratemyprofessor.com and from meeting then are all pretty damn nice. Like I said earlier, being at college is like a 24/7 retreat, a bit unreal.

Stony Brook is known for being a commuter school meaning that the weekends here can get really dead since many of the residents are from either Long Island or the city, it’s not uncommon for people to go home. Many of my friends are heading back home this weekend but supposedly the weather this weekend isn’t the greatest due to the arrival and end of Hurricane Hanna in the northeast region. I’ll probably be heading home next weekend, visiting Jersey, NYU, my parents and to celebrate Nick’s 18th birthday. Woo Nick! I don’t necessarily miss being at home but I miss the people, parents, sisters, nephews and neices and all the friends that were once so readily available. Distance makes the heart grow fonder I hear. No homo. I miss authentic Asian cuisine because the takeout here isn’t great. Who would’ve thought that it would take this long before I tasted General Tso’s chicken for the first time. “Chinese” cuisine isn’t Chinese cuisine.

The food here is pretty good and I can already feel the weight piling on, so we’ll see if I gained any weight when I weigh myself next week. I find myself eating 3-4 meals a day minimum and I fear my meal plan won’t have enough points to cover my cravings. Not enough greens make trips to the bathroom not so pleasant. With that being said, my life here is pretty comfortable, a good amount of work to keep me somewhat occupied for the weekend. I’ll be working my ass off (at least hopefully) and make the folks back home proud. Once again guys, keep me in check.

That update was a result of a huge amount of eventless mornings or afternoons so expect more, hopefully college life gets a bit more exciting for you guys and me. I’m not usually on the computer at night so don’t expect updates then, I much prefer to be out of the room.

Post script: I miss my close group of

My apologies.

Summer was busy, SDC kids left me drained, didn’t have much energy left to blog. I appreciate all of you who’ve been checking back every now and then to see if I’ve updated and I apologize for the extreme lack thereof. Well I’m finally at college and the experience I say is really different. For all you church goers, it feels like a retreat, especially the first few days with mandatory orientation crap. I’ve met a few new people, I have a cool roommate, nice room and pretty nice schedule with decent if not great professors. I can’t really complain except that at every corner I see someone from Tech and I hate it. With that aside, the experience so far hasn’t been too bad. Looking forward to more. I still intend to transfer from Stony Brook, not cause it’s a bad school (it’s actually a lot better than what most students give it credit for) but because it’s business program isn’t as strong as I’d like it to be. Going to try to work my ass off and apply for Stern Fall ‘09 so wish me luck in that department. I’d appreciate anyone who sends me an instant message or email reminding and pushing me to do well. KEEP ME IN TRACK! I’ve been opening my mailbox lately waiting for my textbook package but it’s always empty and that makes me sad, so help me fill up my mailbox by sending me mail at:

C020, James
200 Circle Rd
Stony Brook, NY 11790

I’ll try to update more often and document my probably not so interesting (hopefully I’m wrong) college life. Next time I go back home, I’ll bring my camera and we’ll see if I can get anything interesting on film. Keep checking back, hopefully I won’t be too lazy to update.

Taniel’s Return to WordPress? Let’s hope so.

“Charlie bit me”

Unrehearsed, unscripted, completely candid. Funny and cute.

What Hurts the Most – Rascal Flatts

Again I find another good song that I heard elsewhere and hear again randomly, this time over at Mike’s place. The song is real nice and I can’t stop listening to it now. You can watch the following original music video for it which contains scenes to help the plot and video. It starts off with a girl screaming at her dad so watch your volume. Another awesome voice. I’m not a big fan of country but there are the occasional songs that you really can’t help but love.

What Hurts the Most – Rascal Flatts

After looking that the lyrics more carefully, I realized that “what hurts the most” was not telling the one you loved what you really felt, leaving words unspoken. She didn’t tell him she loved him even though he did and she regrets not telling him when it’s already too late.

Continue on for the lyrics.